The BFS Recommends The Dragon Prince

(AKA “Asking Someone Not to Have to Make a Choice is Still a Choice”)

It’s actually become a critical trope in and of itself to say there are no new stories (in other words, every tale is simply made up of well-known narrative techniques). I’ve never been a fan of such over-generalizing, but it is worth noting how a newly created movie or book makes use of all the stories that have come before it. Some can approach things in such a fresh way that they seem completely unlike anything before, much like The Lord of the Rings and Star Wars: A New Hope did when they first arrived. And others can seem hopelessly imitative, like Eragon: it’s still an impressive story for a teenager to write, but the patchwork quilt of its influences is mighty noticeable.

Other stories have such fun with their influences and take them in a powerful enough direction that you don’t much care how standard some of its base elements are. The visuals of The Dragon Prince will be familiar to any watcher of well-known fantasy tales (the Moon Elf kingdom looks a lot like Lothlorien in The Fellowship of the Ring, or the realm of The Night Elves from World of Warcraft), and Frederik Wiedmann’s score would feel right at home in the world of Middle Earth as envisioned by Peter Jackson and co.

What makes The Dragon Prince such a standout for everyone to watch (it is NOT just a children’s animated series, no matter how much the Daytime Emmy’s want it to be) is how it takes these familiar elements in powerful new directions. One in particular that stands out from many previous fantasy films and shows is its inclusivity: Humans and elves are drawn in ways that will remind viewers from this reality of various Earth cultures and regions, but no one in the world of The Dragon Prince notices or makes a comment about another person’s accent or skin tone. That’s just how they look.

Instead, the show uses the very real divisions between the humans and magical creatures of its universe (e.g., elves and dragons) to probe at problems that will very much remind a viewer of our own world. Disgusted and horrified by how some humans gained magical abilities, dragons and elves have banished all of humanity to the non-magical half of their shared continent.

While this action is understandable (human wizards gained their abilities from Dark Magic, which derives its power from the life force of a magical creature: a process that generally means killing the creature for its body parts), there is an element of elitism and arrogance to how dragons and elves treat humans. “You weren’t happy with what you were given,” is a line said in varying ways throughout the show when Dark Magic is brought up. Humans bristling at this separate but not equal treatment is easy for a viewer to appreciate, even if Dark Magic is clearly unsavory and unethical (though its practitioners don’t necessarily see it that way).

Probably the most powerful statement the show creates from its familiar elements is about choice: why are you doing what you are doing, and to what end? Not thinking about the true end of their choices is a consistent problem for its characters, and sets up the crux of the storyline for the show’s three seasons. At its beginning, a group of elvish assassins have been sent to kill a human king and his heir, the human king having himself killed the King of the Dragons previously (out of revenge for the death of someone else). As the viewer learns more, they begin to see that this is just the most recent in a long history of humans and magical creatures pursuing vengeance or power (the one sometimes mistaken for or blended with the other).

Perhaps the most heartbreaking commentary on choice comes through two clear decisions made by one of its characters. At both times, the character wants to avoid the decision: the pain of choosing one direction or another is too great. And at both times, the show’s statement is clear: avoiding a decision is still a choice, in and of itself.

A powerful reminder to viewers from our world, where choosing not to know something is a statement (and a choice) all of its own.

On ‘Opinions, Everybody Got One,” As Opposed to “Us Versus Them”

(Important, pre-blog post note, as this was drafted three weeks ago: opinions are opinions and not to be confused with facts)

One of my favorite movie lines comes from Platoon and John C. McGinley’s war-weary Sergeant O’Neill: “Excuses are like assholes, Taylor, everybody got one.” A recent article I read in The Atlantic reminded me that you could say much the same for opinions.

In her piece, titled “Singles and Couples Are More Divided Than Ever,” Ginny Hogan describes an added relationship dystopia to the bleakness of our current Covid-19 situation. If one were to believe what she describes, people in relationships are a bunch of arrogant a-holes, flouting social distancing recommendations, pausing their 24/7 lovemaking sessions to proudly tweet that there is no one else they’d rather quarantine with, and rubbing this romantic bliss in their single friend’s faces when they check in to see how they are doing. In a truly baffling passage, Hogan bristles at “coupled” acquaintances and family members asking how she’s doing all alone. “The idea that I need the company or validation of a man so badly[…] is genuinely offensive.”

Hogan walks back some of this straw man hyperbole near the article’s end, yet she still closes her piece with the hope that the rupture between those who are single and those who are in relationships will not persist when the pandemic ends. 

The problem with that? Opinions are like butts: everybody got one. Once we’re Covid free, singles aren’t going to stop liking their singlehood for the time being (or for some, wishing and longing they were not single). Relationship holders are not going to stop loving (or pretending to love) their relationship. And meddlesome relatives and friends aren’t going to stop suggesting to the single person they know that the right man/woman/person for them might be just around the corner.

Because why? Let’s check the list, shall we? People have butts. Check. Oh, and yes, they have opinions. Check. 

Perhaps I’m taking the article too seriously. Articles gotta articulate, publications gotta publish, and writers gotta write and pay the bills (and have opinions), after all. Just ignore it and move on.

I wish I could, but this is a tribalism–a dichotomy–that I have run into time and again. When I and my then fiancee told people that we did not have an engagement ring, there were choruses of voices, defending the choice to have an engagement ring, and even arguments that Jessica really did want a ring and was just pretending (“Neal,” she said, “I would never play games with you like that”). 

And when we decided we were not going to have children? It’s difficult to find a more contentious debate. Opinions among the childfree can range from “we like kids, but don’t want our own,” (an opinion Jessica and I share), to being among the most vociferously hateful I have ever heard, calling those with children “breeders,” (like we’re all stuck in some Mad Max film, lorded over by some neo-gothic warlord in leather pants named Killer McKillerface). On the other side of this divide are those who tell friends and family members considering not having children that “you’ll change your mind some day,” a line of reasoning that builds up to doctors refusing to provide sterilization procedures to adult men and women when they ask for one. And that’s before you even get into the usual grass-is-always-greener argument about who has a happier life with or without kids. 

If everybody got opinions, are we condemned then to stand in our wrongness and be wrong and get used to it (no matter how amusing it was when President Bartlett said it on The West Wing)? We could, I guess. We’re kind of trending there more and more, it seems like. 

But that’s only if we assume that because we have opinions (and butts), those opinions are also absolutes. Just because Jessica and I didn’t have an engagement ring, and just because we don’t have kids, doesn’t mean we begrudge other people those things. There are elements that are out of control when it comes to engagement rings and weddings, but the ideas at their core are of luminous beauty and nothing to begrudge. Even if I did not find them luminous, it’s a far better world where I allow them to be for others who do find them so. 

There are certainly people who would begrudge and not allow, of course, those who would build a wall around those of their own opinion to keep those against them far and away from their vision of how things ought to be, believing that the separation they have created means they will no longer be affected by those they have put on the other side of their fortifications. 

What if, instead of focusing on how everybody wants to not be affected by the opinions of other people, we instead realized that we are always affected by other people’s opinions? If we were not already affected by those we call “other,” walls would not be argued for or created. What would the world look like, if we just accepted the reality of everybody around us having opinions–and the requisite differing of those billions of points of view?

There are limits, I know, to humanity’s understanding and capability. But my friends, my friends, we have set up our walls so far short of those limitations. 

On “City of Lakes” Versus “Minneapolis is Burning”

Bde Maka Ska in Minneapolis

I lie down this past week and can’t sleep. Not from visions of little coronaviruses dancing, (well, mostly not, anyway): Minneapolis is burning. As the protests over George Floyd’s murder spread across the country, as politicians and society argue over what it all means, as people from outside of the Twin Cities may or may not be trying to co-opt true calls for justice, I can’t stop thinking about the Minneapolis I grew up in–the Minneapolis that I love. 

My childhood home stands a mere five miles from the 3rd Precinct building that was burned last week. A year ago during a return visit, I drove through the same neighborhood: the drive filled with the warm ache of memory at the very street signs that seemed to scream Minneapolis to me. And the central location for much of the last week’s activity–Lake Street–is one I know well: I frequently drove down Lake Street while commuting to a substitute teacher job at Minnehaha Academy, the shop-lined urban streets slowly giving way to rows of houses and spreading trees and then a bluff, overlooking the blue and brown swaths of the Missisissippi. 

There are a lot of Lake Streets across the country, but it’s particularly appropriate in a metropolis nicknamed The City of Lakes (there are 22 within the city limits). In the hot, humid days of summer, we would bike west to Lake Harriet or Bde Maka Ska (recently renamed from Lake Calhoun, its former moniker inexplicably taken from a notorious States Rights and pro-slavery senator from South Carolina in the early 1800s).  I didn’t know then how lucky I was to be within biking distance of a lake with a public beach. I live near nothing like that now, and it’s not lying to say I miss it with the sharp pang of loss. And nothing against rivers, but there’s something about the expanse of a lake that holds the mind more peacefully.

Of course, there are incongruities to memory. Things excised, things brought forward–the mind and desire altering things in ways you don’t realize until reality presents the contrast to you with crystal clarity. During that return visit to south Minneapolis, the Washburn Park Water Tower was just as awe-inspiring as I remembered it to be (how many stone water towers have you seen whose curved bases are flanked by warrior statues?), but the hillside on my old block just wasn’t as steep as I remember it being. A long and gentle decline in actuality, my grade-school memories have equated walking or biking up that thing to Everest.

And then comes this past week, which has me remembering again how my family would generally bike west or southeast for family outings. We’d go north to visit my dad’s work in the downtown area, but there were areas we skipped between there and where we lived, taking Interstate 35W more often than not. I remember always having the feeling that the farther north we went on the residential streets, the more dangerous things got.

Where did I even get this feeling? It was more than the normal fear of leaving familiar surroundings. Was it family? The chatter of kids on the playground and on the bus? It’s one of those social and cultural things we just absorb without realizing it. I’m quite certain I did absorb it, too. A few years back, when my wife and I revealed we had driven down Lake Street on the way to the Mississippi, words were said to the effect of “Oh, isn’t that a little rough?”–an attitude and meaning coded to say it maybe should have been avoided, coding I had seen and heard before for lower income or more diverse areas.

Against the backdrop of my Minneapolis memories are a record needle scratch of hard realities and statistics. Whites are generally happy and healthy in Minnesota, but minorities are much less likely to be in the same boat (education rates follow similar trends). And in Minneapolis, police fatalities flip its racial demographics: in the past 20 years, Blacks make up about 20 percent of the population, yet they account for roughly 60 percent of police fatalities (whites are 60 percent of the population but only account for about 20 percent of fatalities). 

So which is Minneapolis? The beautiful memory of my childhood? The burning city raging at its differences and inequities? (The dream or the nightmare, as Ibram X. Kendi stated in a similarly tracked article I was surprised to discover as I wrote this particular paragraph in this particular essay?)

For me–and I may be wrong–both exist. The beauty of Minneapolis is still there this week, in its places and in its people: from the shores of Lake Harriet and Bde Maka Ska to its residents coming together to help their community. And the darkness is still there, from its police terrifying residents off of their porches to “maintain order” to a semi loaded with flammable materials almost plowing down dozens of protestors on Interstate 35W (on the same site of a tragic bridge collapse nearly twelve years ago). Acknowledging the blissful side and not the other leads to a dysmorphic view, as unhealthy as one of those photoshop disasters where people try to make themselves look more attractive and end up with something completely alien. But is it foolish to hope we can change? That we can lessen the nightmare Kendi describes in his article?

We’re too far from any utopia to think it’s closely in reach… and part of our problem has been pretending we do live in a kind of near utopia. The fault lines this belief has created have kept far too many of us up late at night this past week–while lulling some others to sleep with judgmental thoughts for those protesting. 

I cannot and should not go back to the security blanket of nostalgia and privilege, to the gentle hum of hammocks in tree-lined backyards and neighborhood games of kick-the-can: yet I can use those images to motivate me, to help me continue to notice the unevenness of the country I live in… and to act in ways that help bring the nightmare closer to the end. For everyone.

Minneapolis Skyline

The BFS Recommends Dance Dance Dance by Haruki Murakami

Seriously, look at that guy. How can he not make you smile?

Dance, Dance, Dance is the rare book that makes you completely, thoroughly happy. Not stupid happy, ignoring the sadness and pain life can throw your way, but happily aware: fully cognizant of all the flaws in this world, but still finding it improbably beautiful.

Why does Dance Dance Dance make me so joyful? Well, first, there’s that book cover, which is the edition my local library had, If that doesn’t make you smile a bit, well, umm, what’s wrong with you? It’s a sheep wearing a collared shirt, tie, and plaid sweater vest, for crying out loud.

But in all honesty the thing that makes the book so happy-making is what happens for its unnamed narrator. This is the fourth book he’s been in by Murakami, and in all of them he’s been emotionally withdrawn (something you can immediately feel and appreciate in his character, even if this book is your first encounter with him). In the first book the narrator appears in, Hear the Wind Sing, another character notes that he’s “Very zen.”

It serves him well, in a way, to float along and not be completely overwhelmed by the waves that come his way: he certainly is put through a lot. But it also keeps him emotionally distant, incapable of reaching his potential or really even feeling love. In the third book to feature the narrator, A Wild Sheep Chase, his wife leaves him at the start, most likely because of his emotional unavailability. But here, finally, in Dance Dance Dance, he is able to awaken: winter has fallen away, spring has sprung. You can see it stirring in the narrator as he reaches out and makes new friendships and even goes through the starts and stops of a new relationship with a hotel clerk.

If I could make a comparison, it’s like seeing a sad friend or relative suddenly grow, changing and reaching out, becoming that thing you always knew they could be. Even now it brings an almost inexplicable smile to my face, and that’s something to note in and of itself. Good literature, good art, should help us understand our fellow humans and appreciate their growths and triumphs.

This is made all the more palpable due to the darkness to be found in Dance Dance Dance. Just like its preceding three books, sadness lurks, as does death, Maybe even more than in the previous novels, and they were hardly carefree affairs.

Despite this, however, the book’s title is always at its center. Early on in the book, the narrator finds and has a discussion with the Sheep Man. Yes, there is a character called the Sheep Man (and despite the book cover above, he probably is only a guy in a sheep suit). But in that improbably Murakami way, he is very much real and very much not ridiculous. His otherworldliness is suggested in how all of his sentences consist of no spaces between the words: strange, but understandable.

In this early conversation, the narrator and the Sheep Man are tired. Withdrawn. The Sheep Man himself is feeling old. But he tells the narrator he can make his way back to life. “Yougottadance,” he says (86).

The narrator takes the advice to heart, and so does the book. Weird stuff keeps happening to the narrator, he keeps making friends (or renewing friendships), but then depression and loss also come along, threatening to derail it all. But he’s justgottakeepdancing, His finding a way to do this and encourage others to do so is part of the book’s magic.

An additional piece of magic happened for me with my library book, however. A former reader had co-opted the old checkout tag to leave a note for future readers, in a manner that feels almost trademark Murakami. His narrators are always getting odd messages or stories told to them, and this one is no different. The weird energy of that note is wonderfully sublime and needs sharing with the world.

“This is an incredible book. Don’t read the blurbs, don’t read the publisher’s description, just read the book. It blew me away. Of course you must read “A Wild Sheep Chase,” first. Then this. Both books are compelling as hell. Right on, brothers and sisters. Knock yourselves out.”

As my fellow reader notes, it’s probably worth checking out A Wild Sheep Chase first, if not Wind/Pinball as well. You can appreciate this one without reading them, but it hits all the harder if you have the experience of all the narrator’s previous trials and tribulations.

Wherever you might be, however good or bad life might be going for you now in the moment, you need this book. You need it like a friend you just discovered and really should have known for your entire life.

Right on, my internet brothers and sisters, right on. Whether you do a little shuffle like this big, awkward Swede or something more graceful, we just gotta dance.

Wejustgottadance.

On Likeable Unlikeability in Fiction

Iago Being a Jerkface McGee

More than a few actors and writers are on record saying that villains are “more fun” or “easier to do” than heroes. And sure, on one level, this holds water: there’s something vastly entertaining about Iago’s machinations that leave Othello seeming like a square. But is it really that simple, even there? You have to care about Othello to be invested in Iago’s scheming, after all, and he’s hardly a one-dimensional, “like me because I’m the good guy” type of character.

Looking to the multitudes of other fictional examples out there, you can easily find villains that aren’t more fun or interesting. They’re just kind of there fulfilling the role, doing the jerkface-y thing they need to do for the story to have any movement forward (and not every doer of bad things in Mr. Shakespeare’s legendary array is as fascinating as Iago).

The more stories I’ve read, the more movies I’ve watched, and the more characters I’ve written myself, the more similarities I’ve found between protagonists and antagonists, heroes and anti-heroes. If heroes and heroines need flaws to be interesting and believable, there has to be something likeable in the unlikeability of antagonists and anti-heroes if we’re going to want to keep following them as readers.

Three great books I’ve read recently demonstrate this in spades, so let’s explore likeable unlikeability in action.

Unforgivable Love by Sophfronia Scott

Sophfronia Scott’s Unforgivable Love is a fantastic place to begin. A re-imagining of Les Liaisons dangereuses/Dangerous Liasons, it’s very much in that Iago-and-Shakespearen-villain tradition of “I’m about to do something totally evil—check out how awesome I am while I do it.” In the past, I’ve admittedly avoided Dangerous Liasons for this very reason: “Yay, a devious pair of people use their skills at seduction to control and manipulate those around them. Just what I want to read after a long day in a world filled with ever more depressing news.”

Yet Scott makes this work by inserting a little likeability (or at least a little understandability) into Mae Malveaux and Valiant Jackson, the equivalents to the Marquise de Merteuil and Vicomte de Valmont of the original. Not too much, mind—they still get their kicks out of what they can do and what they can get away with.

Some of that comes from the lives they are handed, however. The novel is set in Harlem and upstate New York in 1947, and it leverages this time and setting to let its two anti-heroes have a grounded reason for being: you can take what you want from the world, or it will take what it wants from you.

It goes further than that, however. We see enough into Mae that we can see the wounded person—how she has been twisted into what she is. We’re given this insight in a passage early on in the novel, with her messed up appreciation and desiring of love.

“Mae did want love. She didn’t care that it didn’t last, didn’t care how easily it could be broken. What she cared about was how every human being seemed to walk the earth clutching at love, but she couldn’t do the same. She knew that shouldn’t matter—she didn’t want to be so ridiculous and weak—yet she did desire love if only to have it in her hands, a rare bauble she could enjoy as she studied its strange hold on the world. But for Mae some entity always held love, ripe and shining, just out of her reach, letting her know with soul-slicing certainty that she wasn’t good enough to have it.” (pg. 32)

Now that is a distorted longing. You can relate to that while still being dismayed at the same time, like seeing a vicious predator caught in a trap. You’d like to help it, but it snaps and claws whenever you come close. And then there is that small, almost hidden bit at the very end: she doesn’t think she’s good enough to be loved. That still gets me, even though I know how Mae uses and manipulates those around her for the rest of the book.

Val Jackson’s likeability is also introduced early on in the novel, but in a different form. Val is a baseball fanatic, going to as many games as he can, and he watches as Jackie Robinson breaks Major League Baseball’s color barrier. This hits Val powerfully, some of it affecting him in ways he can’t quite make himself appreciate.

Until now, his focus has been on money and moving up in Harlem society—and getting pretty much any woman he wants. But what Jackie Robinson is doing is… meaningful. “There was something about this man and the way he was that would matter more for his people—and it would matter long after he died” (pg. 44). It puts everything Val finds worthwhile in a light he isn’t comfortable looking at directly.

This glimmer of possibility in Val comes up again and again in the novel, and it’s a major part of what made me keep reading. It’s an invaluable counterpoint as Val does some truly terrible things: he basically pulls the “Turkish ambassador with Lady Mary from Downton Abbey” at one point, but unlike the one-dimensional Kemal Pamuk of that TV show, some part of me kept caring about Val, hoping he would actually become the person he could be.

Bury What We Cannot Take by Kirstin Chen

Mostly set on Drum Wave Islet off the Chinese coast, Kirstin Chen’s novel centers on a family in crisis during the early years of Maoist China. The father Ah Zai lives in Hong Kong and can no longer come back to his home, lest he be taken away by the authorities: he owns a factory in Hong Kong and used to run more in China, and he is suspect for his capitalistic ways. His wife, Seok Koon, is desperate to get her family out of the country and reunited with her husband.

The book hinges on the actions of Ah Liam, their twelve-year old son, who does what I think most of us would find unthinkable: informs the authorities that his grandmother has smashed a portrait of Chairman Mao with a hammer. Stated like that, you would think a reader could absolutely hate Ah Liam, yet his actions are rendered in an entirely understandable way. The propaganda espoused by the communist party in school and all around him has begun to take hold, and his motivations are further confused by an adolescent crush on another girl in his class (who very much toes the party line). And then there is his relationship with his grandmother—they seem close and you feel that he does love her, but he is frustrated that she banned him from playing with the servant’s children. It strikes of a detestable snobbery, besides triggering the anger a young adolescent can have at an elder’s denial of a thing they want.

His reporting of his grandmother is also less than decisive. This is something he should do, isn’t it? He’s torn before making the decision, and he grows even more guilty as the repercussions of his actions are felt: the family was going to go to Hong Kong under the pretext of visiting Ah Zai, who is “on his death bed” (a doctor in Hong Kong provides the falsified documentation to prove this), but the authorities will now only grant three visas. Seok Koon is assured that another will probably be released “in time,” but she is left with a terrible choice. Either they lose this chance at escape, or she leaves behind her mother-in-law, her son, or her daughter, San San. Her mother-in-law is not healthy and can’t make the trip without her, nor can she be left behind, so the decision is made to leave San San, as a friend of the family will help her make the trip once she receives the promised visa.

You can see how masterfully Chen sets up her characters’ choices. Many would also find the leaving behind of a child to be repugnant, but you understand Seok Koon’s choice because of how it is cast. Her guilt and the difficulties of her situation make it entirely relatable. As we get to know Ah Zai later in the book, he too grows understandable, even as he becomes increasingly caught in the web of his own toxic masculinity (he has a mistress in Hong Kong and he has gone staggeringly into debt trying to get his family out of China). I still wanted to smack him over the head as he refused to admit his money troubles to both his wife and his mistress, but you still get why he’s doing what he is doing—he’s not one dimensional or a stereotype (something Chen said she worried about as she wrote the novel).

The premise of Bury What We Cannot Take alone is enough to hook you, but it’s the precise, detailed rendering of Chen’s characters as they make good and bad decisions that keeps you reading. Likeable and yet unlikeable at the same time.

The Concrete by Daniel Abbott

Set in the impoverished southeast side of Grand Rapids, Michigan, and often as hard, harsh, and gritty as the material evoked by its title, there were times where I felt as ground down as this book’s characters did. They struggle mightily under the weight of some terrible decision-making, too: infidelity, substance abuse, drug dealing, stripping, and even murder are all contemplated or committed in its pages.

But this book is so lived in. Even under the weight of that depressing list of choices there is a glimmering of life—the glint of a yellow dandelion pushing its way out between cracks in a sidewalk, the little longings and dreams of the characters that keep them going.

Though there are no classic villains in this novel, Cesar Bolden is probably the closest. A drug-dealer with a magic touch, Cesar somehow evades notice by the authorities even as his hold over the southeast side of Grand Rapids seems complete. When a venture into the music business with a former music star goes south, he simply diversifies by making her the star of a porno. Nothing seems to go wrong for this man, even as you deeply despise him for who he is.

Yet part of this despising is created from how you come to understand him. I never liked him, but his life made me sad and angry at the same time because I so completely got who he was. His mother struggled with depression and committed suicide in the bathtub. Cesar is the one who finds her, so you get why he reacts as he does when the former music star he has a child with says she can’t handle being a mother:

‘You don’t know if you can do this?” he asks. Cesar takes a long pause before speaking again. ‘Bitch, you don’t have a choice.'” (pg. 107)

It’s true on some levels. She’s a parent and should not abandon her own kid. But his hostility in the confrontation? It’s the last thing the former music star needs to hear in the midst of her own struggles with substance abuse—it’s no surprise when she leaves Cesar and her son behind not long after.

This is Cesar at his core. While he treated the mother of his child terribly, he loves his son completely and totally. Enough so that he knows he shouldn’t be the one to raise him, giving him up for adoption. This complication of caring so much for someone yet letting them go to give them a better future is one you can’t forget—even as you remember that Cesar Bolden is rarely up to any other good, selling drugs to others and making sure he always comes out ahead.

A Character Is a Character…

Is it safe to say that regardless of their type, interesting characters are well-rounded ones? Or at the very least, something beyond the surface of a knight in shining armor or a plotting murderer twisting their mustache? Even classically villainous characters from literature like Iago or Rigaud from Little Dorritt (who was played with terrifying aplomb by Andy Serkis in a 2009 BBC adaptation) end up having more nuance than the mere glee they seem to take in their misadventures. Whether it’s likeability or a bit of understandability, those on the darker side of the moral scale require a bit of one or the other (or both) if they’re going to linger beyond the pages they are contained in.

On Slowing Down Time…

Photo by sinkdd on Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

A shot from The Descendants has really stuck with me. The movie was filmed in Hawaii and is filled with gorgeous images, yet the particular shot that stood out to me is in no way one of the most spectacular or important: it’s not a rise of green mountains or a sweep of verdant countryside falling gently towards a far-off beach. It’s just a small, roadside creek, with occasional drops of rain hitting its gray surface. The water’s surroundings are rough and non-descript enough that you could almost wonder why the director, Alex Payne, kept it in.

But of course, it’s there for a reason. The short segment, inserted between more hefty moments of character interaction, is the kind of pause a movie needs to create its mood, to get its viewer to think what they need to. It’s also what the characters of the movie need to do, in order to cope. If a story is going to center around a family dealing with a loved one (a wife, a mother, a daughter) being taken off life support, you can’t rush it around like some frenzied action picture. You need space.

That idea kept coming back to me. Sure, we all know the “stop and smell the roses” line, but I keep returning to that phrase from new angles. Seeing it as the concept of giving yourself space, I am more strongly confronted by the idea behind the cliché. Or maybe even more so when I consider it as an image: of sitting and watching rain drops ripple outward in a small creek. Not running to the next thing like we always do or staring at some screen (only half present), but just sitting. Witnessing.

Those times on the beach at camp, when I looked overhead and saw the Milky Way spilling its way across the heavens. That time I was driving by a lake on my way from high school, a lake I had seen many times before and that was so repetitiously calm and blue that I hardly glanced at it most days, but on that fall day it was somehow transformed into large waves and a surprising, pewter gray—we never think of gray as being beautiful, but it was alive under a glowing, cloudy sky, somehow its own source of light—and I found somewhere to park nearby so I could stand by its edge and just take it in.

I’m twice the age I was at those moments and they still feed me now.

They’re not my only moments I come back to—I have many of those—but I’m never going to have so many of them that I could never use more. It’s making me wonder why I don’t sit and witness more often, even as I struggle through the end of a busy semester, which has made it increasingly hard to stop, cope, and give myself space.

Maybe the most annoying thing about clichéd wisdom like “stop and smell the roses” is how hard it often is to follow.

On Knowing Yourself and How Men Can Be

It was a hard line to swallow back in my college years. ‘This isn’t true,’ I thought. I was reading The World According to Garp for a Contemporary Literature course and reacting to this line: “Rape, Garp thought, made men feel guilt by association” (p. 209).

‘Why would I feel guilt about that?’ I said to myself. Rape was anathema, an abomination. Some men out there might do it, but they were not me, and I would most certainly condemn anyone for doing such a thing. To my mind, it was like feeling guilt about someone murdering someone else.

In the eighteen years since that reading, I’m agreeing less and less with my initial reaction. On the one hand, I still agree with my earlier feeling on personal responsibility. You are responsible for the things you choose to do, and the buck stops there. This is a good and important way to think about how the world works: what are you personally doing about an issue, within your ability to do something about it?

As the years passed, it was increasingly impossible not to acknowledge another troubling part of the equation—how men, as a group, can be. Of course I knew about the stereotypes and had even witnessed it, but I tended to avoid situations where such talk happened, and the type of men (or boys) that engaged in such talk. I didn’t care for their behavior. Still, though, I had encountered this attitude when I was with other men—the actions or words that were seen as okay because I was a fellow man. And I had to think about what that meant.

Like the time on the bus in late junior high, when a guy was talking loudly about how he would ask a well-endowed female student what her shirt said, so he could get an easy look. He was technically talking to the guys circled close to him (I was a few rows up and not a part of the conversation), but we were all on a sports team and there were no girls on the bus. I heard more than a few knowing laughs in response. For my part, I felt ill. I understood why the guy would want to look, but also felt terrible for the girl. It was like we were all leering at her collectively.

Or the time in high school when I was walking next to another guy I hardly even knew. We were part of  a group headed to a concert, and directly in front of us were two of the girls in our group, one of which he was kind of sort of starting a dating relationship with (one of those hard to follow high school relationships). For reasons still unfathomable to me, he gave a nod at the girl he was dating, waggled his eyebrows at me, and mimed grabbing her rear end.

I was horrified and startled, and this clearly showed in my raised eyebrows and facial expression, since he quickly started talking about something else. Much of my time at the concert that night was spent wondering how to tell the girl what this guy was really like. I kind of knew her, since we were in the church youth group together, but I didn’t know her that well. I settled on telling a friend of hers that I was much closer to so she could pass it on, but I’m still not sure if that was the best thing to do or if it even did any good (I didn’t see much of this guy or the girl he was kind of sort of dating after that point).

I’ve heard far too many stories that are similar, and many that are much, much worse. About eight years ago, I was reduced to a pulse-pounding rage when I read a blog talking about the things often suggested by male college students to women in their classes (either verbally or via text). It would have ticked me off regardless, but I’m a college teacher: no student should have to put up with sexually harassing comments from anyone. I often think of my students as my kids, my family, and if there is one thing you do not want to do around me, it’s mess with my family.

Given these, the stories we’ve all been hearing since the Harvey Weinstein revelations confirm what I already knew—we’ve all been sitting on this iceberg. Men in groups and men alone can feel entitled to say and do things that reduce women to objects, making it easier to harass or rape them.

I think men can be better than this and I know so many men that are better, but it doesn’t change that I am part of a group that has this tendency. When I’m walking alone in a parking lot at night, any woman I meet doesn’t know my background or feelings about all this, they can just tell I’m male, and therefore, a part of that group with that inclination. I hope I don’t cause fear like that, but I am forced to accept that it is a possibility. That guy I hardly knew in high school only needed to know that I was male to think I would agree with his actions.

That’s really what that John Irving quote (which is a similar realization for Garp) is all about—that if you are a man, you are a part of this group that has demonstrated this leaning, time and again. It’s a call to self-awareness and knowing what you are, warts and all. This kind of thinking is not a comfortable one for anyone, as is made far too clear by the many men pushing back wholesale against the #metoo movement, or tweeting utterly baffling things like “Can I even smile at a woman anymore?”

Of course you can smile at women if you’re a man. The issue is when you start expecting more than that—when the woman crossing your path in the dark parking lot should have reason to fear. When the woman sitting next to you in class has to wonder if you’re going to talk to her about the homework assignment or make a suggestion about how she can sexually gratify you. When your co-worker has to wonder if you appreciate what she brings as an employee to the workplace, or if you’re wondering if you could get a little something more from her, be that a date or just someone to take care of the office party because “that’s what women are good at.”

The crux of all this is knowing what expectations you are putting on yourself and others. If you’ve never examined those and their repercussions, you’re probably in for some discomfort (you probably are even if you have put some time examining those… I know I can still feel it). The danger of not asking these questions is losing out on your potential, at being mastered by the expectations you never stopped to consider.

Mastery. It’s the focus of a book I just finished, and very much relevant here. In Ursula K, Le Guin’s A Wizard of Earthsea, the main character is a man as powerful as many men want to be. Magic comes to him easily, and he learns far more quickly than his fellows. Yet the central thing this mighty protagonist must face is not some external power (a dragon, another wizard, etc.), but his own shadow, his own darkness. A thing of his own creation that threatens to subsume him.

The wizard perseveres not by winning, but by naming the shadow and acknowledging it as himself. It takes him some time to recover from the encounter, but once he does, he laughs, because at last he is free and healed. As the book notes, he has become, “A man: who, knowing his whole true self, cannot be used or possessed by any power other than himself, and whose life is therefore lived for life’s sake and never in the service of ruin, or pain, or hatred, or the dark” (p. 143).

Now that is something worth being. That is something worth striving for. It’s not a path easy to begin or continue, but it’s the one worth pursuing—for all of us.

On School Shootings and Stories That Never End

Columbine happened not long after I graduated from high school, and it disturbed me to the core. While it wasn’t the first such mass shooting, it was the one that slapped me awake. Nor did it seem outside the realm of possibility for it to have happened in the school I had just graduated from. After all, there weren’t (and aren’t) all that many dissimilarities between a suburb in Minneapolis and a suburb in Denver.

The following year, I began working through my confusion in the way I knew best, by writing. I didn’t really know what I was going to say, just that something needed to be said. What can lead someone to go to a school full of people they know and try to kill them? What does this say about us, the society where this is possible? I was horrified by these questions and not particularly sure if (or what) my answers would be, but I was determined to try.

It took a long time to write my book. A long time. Part of this was needing to figure out my writer self, but part of it was finding what needed to be said. Community was a part of it, some wise part of me seemed to know (I knew it before I even realized how true it was). These things don’t just affect one or two people, but everyone: the school and its local area, the state, the country, even the world.

So I had to discover my fictional community and write stories about it. From one character and his relationships, I found another and another, until I found I was slowly uncovering an entire tapestry of stories, one that I could never completely reveal (or could be written about in just one book). But I had, at last, a book that suggested at that larger collection of untold tales.

In all these years since I began writing, things have only gotten worse. As the New York Times noted, the shooting in Benton, Kentucky, on January 23rd was the eleventh of this year. The eleventh, just twenty-three days in.

And we’re past that count now in February, aren’t we?

For all that regularity, however, we’re no better at dealing with these things. We may make our schools—those who work there and study there—undergo active shooter drills, but as far as actual prevention, or coping goes? If anything, we’re regressing. We are so inured to the fact of these things that we almost have our responses down pat. The battle lines are drawn, and it’s World War I trench warfare at its worst.

In all the tumult of one side denouncing the other, however, I don’t see as much discussion of the most important aspect of the problem. Gun control certainly is a part of it (and there is a possible bridge between responsible gun ownership and better regulation of these potentially lethal weapons), and mental health may be as well, though the connection between that and mass shootings is debated.

The thing we so often miss is what I uncovered in trying to write about these tragedies: community. And while I do see people tweeting and writing about the heroics of those trying to save others, and about the lives of those involved, those narratives tend to be buried (or used for further ends). Particularly the day-to-day lives of those affected, before and after the event everyone is so focused on. Because those stories never end.

Are these stories ever connected, too. We all live in communities, surrounded by other people, and each of us has a propensity for good or bad, love or hate. And try as we might, we cannot legislate love. We cannot dictate how people interact with each other, lest we become dictators ourselves. Boundaries or guidelines may be suggested by laws or constitutional amendments (or under some other organizational name), but how each of us relates to those others in our community is what really decides the outcomes of our stories.

I know, I’m tired too. I’m weary of the sudden spike in my chest whenever I hear of another shooting, knowing that we’re undergoing yet another trauma so common that it has become difficult to register.

Even as we hear about them, though, think on how you relate to those in your community, be it locally, nationally, or internationally. As you argue your point of view (goodness knows we all have them), think long on how you are arguing for it, and the implications of arguing for it. Because the root, the very root of these tragedies is anger and lack of empathy, no matter how one arrives there.

If you’re going to pull the trigger and kill another human, let alone many other humans, you must see them not like you, but as a problem worthy of hating and eradicating. That the only solution is their removal, as quickly and dramatically as possible.

The first step in response for all of us then, no matter how foolish, no matter how rose-tinted glasses it might seem, is to love. To reach out. Anything else is a step back into the abyss.

Someone Is Wrong on the Internet: Songs of Experience is the Best U2 Album Since All That You Can’t Leave Behind

In non-BFS fashion, I’m going out on a limb and making a big statement I haven’t mulled over ad nauseum. In my cautious, middle child way, I like to settle into what I’m thinking and saying, but I felt compelled to make this leap after reading Jon Pareles’s review of U2’s most recent album release, Songs of Experience. Now, this is an article from The New York Times, so I know that the headline may not have been Mr. Pareles’s choice to go with his review. But the commentary in the title, “Cynicism Not Included,” just irks me. It sells this album short.

Does that mean I think the album is cynical? No, it’s more nuanced than that. The best characterization is given by the album’s title itself: it’s experienced. It’s seen how the world works, isn’t entirely happy about it, but has also seen and known hope.

Another limiting statement from the review: “The word ‘love,’ unironic and high-minded, recurs all over [the album].” I actually read this review before listening to the album, and this line made me fear that Bono had gone over the top (and even most fans of U2 can admit he has the tendency). But again, the album digs deeper than this superficial gloss of some of the song titles. Yes, the album opens with “Love Is All We Have Left,” but the tone and music used to go with those words is quiet, even tenuous. Nothing is certain about that statement in this context.

The album accelerates from there to “Lights of Home” (a delightfully bombastic follow-up) to the large, worn on your sleeve emotion of “You’re the Best Thing About Me.” Love is very much at the forefront of this song, but there are so many layers. There’s a bittersweetness to saying, “When the world is ours but the world is not your kind of thing, Full of shooting stars, brighter as they’re vanishing.” And my goodness, for a song so shouted, so anthemic to proclaim “You’re the best thing about me,” in its chorus, the closing lines of “Why am I walking away,” should make anyone pause and wonder. Looked at carefully, these lyrics could embrace love between spouses, friends, parents and children—not to mention much of the world’s response to the recent refugee crisis.

And if it isn’t clear from my description of the first three songs, this album’s music is excellent, U2 doing it right more than I have seen them do in years (and they haven’t been slouching in this department). This is why another part of the review by Pareles gives me pause. “It’s not an album that courts new fans by radically changing U2’s style; instead, it reaffirms the sound that has been filling arenas and stadiums for decades.”

There is some fairness to this, but again, it’s limiting. There are some purposeful callouts to earlier songs (Pareles notes one), but they’re at play with those older, familiar sounds. “Blackout,” the song Pareles notes has an echo of “Mysterious Ways,” promptly goes in a different direction after giving the listener that brief cue, as if a brief nod to long time fans. And the album’s final track, “13 (There Is a Light)” is in clear dialogue with and repeats some lyrics from “Song For Someone,” from their previous release, Songs of Innocence. In other words, it’s not just the band riffing on their greatest hits because they can’t do anything else.

I suppose you could also say there’s the continued, recognizable presence of Bono’s voice and The Edge’s guitar style. Still, criticism on that level can easily get silly, almost seeming to suggest that a band should find a new lead singer, get rid of its iconic guitarist, etc. At some level, a band is going to sound something like its constituent parts.

I’d say the review’s musical criticism is much more fair of U2’s previous release, Songs of Innocence. While I enjoy it and the clear experimentation it often shows (I don’t think Songs of Experience would have been possible without it), there are a few too many clear, in your face “U2 moments.” I love the aforementioned “Song for Someone,” but at the 2:15 mark, we get some crescendoing guitar that is a hallmark of U2’s style and it leaves me disappointed every time: we’ve been there before often enough.

While it’s certainly a U2 album, Songs of Experience simultaneously sounds different from anything else they have done before. The Edge lets his guitar work go places it hasn’t gone before, sometimes becoming more crunchy and rough, and generally avoiding his characteristic “U2 anthem,” approach. Adam Clayton’s always solid bass line often comes to the fore, which makes the mid-album “Summer of Love” an entirely different and memorable experience.

All of these elements, the layered lyrics and music, ebb and flow, carrying through from the start to the end of the album, making me put it among U2’s best. Does it feel a risk for this cautious Swede to say it, after only a few listens through? Yes, it does. But I also can’t escape how each of those listens have left me more excited than I have been by any of their albums since the 2000 release of All That You Can’t Leave Behind.

Suffice to say, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Random BFS Thoughts

What with the school year starting and the requisite getting the brain in teaching gear (amongst other things), I just haven’t felt up to a blog post. But as a recent tweet showed, I am capable of random thoughts or quips, and since I am beginning to work again on a novel with a rather random main main character (who likes to make random notes about life), how about I provide nine random BFS thoughts for your delectation and delight? You can thank me later.

1. Why must every new endeavor be fraught with self-doubt and fear?

2. Why can I never do teaching prep during the summer, when I have plenty of time, but need the no-time frenzy of the school year to prepare?

3. Why don’t people like to wash pillow cases and towels with other types of clothes? They’re seriously all rubbing against you at some point.

4. To go back a bit to #2, no seriously brain, why do you need the panic of a deadline to get things done?

5. Why do students so often do what you tell them not to do?

Me: “Explain your thinking! Don’t just tell me what you think this document’s purpose is, tell me what clues in the text are making you think that.

Students: “We think this document’s purpose is to be informative.”

Me: *facepalm*

6. Why did the federal government stop providing federal aid to post-secondary students who are taking a junior-high level class at the post-secondary level? I mean yeah, you would hope they would have learned what they needed to in junior high, but if they’re testing at that level after they graduate high school (or after they move to our country), how else are they going to learn this stuff? They can’t go back to junior high, can they?

7. Why is my brain waking me up an hour before I need to get up this week, then making me feel tired the rest of the day? Is it possible for parts of your body to want to mess with other parts of your body? Or is this generally just a brain thing?

8. To go back a bit to #6, does this mean the federal government has a secretly funded time machine program that they’re going to use to help students in need of some remedial education?

9. To continue thinking about #6, who would be watching the watchmen in this scenario, making sure Timmy didn’t use this opportunity to actually get the girl of his high school dreams to go to prom with him?